God's timing is perfect. I know that there are times in life that you wonder when He is going to show up and show off, but He is always right on time. Maybe He is growing you so you are ready to receive what He has for you. Maybe He knows that when His answers, blessings or direction comes it will be exactly when you need it. Whatever the reason His timing is not when you think it should be, just know that it is when you need it and you are ready for it.
A few years ago I thought I was ready to speak, write and help other women. The short answer from God? I wasn't! As I go back and read notes I wrote to myself when I was doing my devotions, I see a different person in those notes. That girl was so not ready. She was angry and lost and only saw the things others were doing wrong. The Bible verses I highlighted were not about my choices, they were about the choices I saw others making. Sure I made notes about things I needed to do like getting into the word and praising God even in my pain, but those were not the words that I had highlighted and had bold capital letters. No, I was still too hurt and angry to truly receive what God had for me. I even interviewed to speak at a woman's conference, but she saw what I couldn't see yet. She told me I wasn't ready. My wounds were still too new and there would probably be more to come before they stopped. She was right.
For the last three I have been crying out, looking for what I am put here to do. I have always felt like God wants me to write and to speak, but I hadn't put the time in to prepare for it. I hadn't really studied God's word. Sure I could summarize some verses that I had read before if there was something in them pertaining to what I was talking about, but I am not ready to give advice based on His word. Even now, I know that I still have further to go and further to grow. My last year I have really slacked off in my time with God. I stopped reading my Bible, I said and did things I am not proud of and I was certainly not the kind of woman people would come to for godly advice.
About two weeks ago, something changed in me. I realized I was not happy where I am. My first thought was to move again. My whole adult life I have moved every time things got messed up. When I was married and my husband had affairs and I found out about them, we packed up and moved to a new job. But this time, I knew running away was not going to be the answer I was looking for. The words I keep hearing from God are, "Be still and know that I am God!" I know that's a Bible verse in Psalms 46:10 and yes I have read it and heard it a thousand times, but I finally see what it means to my life. Often people say that the Bible is no longer relevant. There are laws in there that no longer apply because that was a different time or Christ's sacrifice made the old law obsolete. I can say however, that I have spent more time is Psalms and Proverbs over the past 7 years and I am shown very often just how much it still speaks to me in this day and age.
I know that I am still not ready to go and speak or write another book. I know that I still have some issues to work through to get me into the place God wants me. I don't know how long it will take, but God knows and all I can do is wait for Him to tell me it's time. And when it is time, the door will open and I will step inside. Until then, I will draw nearer to God, study His Word and prepare for what He has in store for me. What a great honor it is to know that He has plans for me. Plans to give me a future and a hope, yeah I know I paraphrased again, but it is there and I will wait on God to show me the way to my future.