One thing we talk about in The Marriage Playbook is having a 12th man. A 12th man is the person who is a fan of your marriage. They are there when you need to talk and they encourage you when times are tough and give you great advice. You can tell them anything and they listen without judging and they can even tell you when you need a good slap on the head.
We all need a 12th man. So the question is are you being a 12th man or are you only taking from your 12th man. Sure we all need to lean on someone from time to time, but just like you have to deposit money in a bank in order for you to withdraw cash, you have to deposit your time as a 12th man.
You don't have to be a 12th man to your 12th man, you can pay it forward and be there for someone else. Spending all of your time withdrawing from your 12th man will not only deplete your account, but it will also deplete them. I have seen from both sides the effects of taking and never giving and it is emotionally draining for the 12th man. Think about it, if the only time someone ever talked to you it was about their problems would you want to talk to them.
With that being said I ask that you give back and also just say thank you or do something nice for the people who have been there for you. Sometimes a 12th man just wants to go hang out and not talk about problems. Take them out for dinner. Go do something fun and make a rule you won't talk about your problems for the night. You would be amazed how much better you both will feel when the night is over.
I also ask that you be there for someone. We all need a 12th man. Be there for them, don't judge them and listen to what they have to say. It won't only help them, it will also help you get your mind off of your problems too.