I will be the first to admit that has happened in my marriage. Both of us were afraid to talk about certain things for fear of what the other may think of us. And of course if we can't talk about it with our spouse because we are too embarrassed then there is no way we can talk about it with our friends.
So here's my question, what if we did talk about it? What if we threw it all out there, shared it all and just got real? Would the world end? Would our marriage end? Would we be struck with a bolt of lightening from heaven? Chances are the answer to all of those questions is no. Personally I have found the more things I keep secret from my husband the more trouble there is in my marriage. I didn't say something because I was scared of what would he would say and vice versa. The thing is though, we found out once we finally talked that we both were thinking the same thing.
Now I am sure most of you are thinking "oooooeeeewww wonder what she is talking about." Honestly it was not anything torrid, we both just felt that we needed it more, but it could have been anything and we should have felt the freedom to discuss it openly without fear or embarrassment.
A lot of Christians seem to look at sex as a taboo and therefore never talk about it, but God created it so why shouldn't we talk about it? Ever looked for a book about sex in a Christian bookstore? Sure there are one or two in there, but they either make them sound too technical or it is all about nice sweet making love, lights out in your bedroom after the kids go to sleep. There is never one out there that tells you to mix things up and sneak away during the day. I have yet to see one suggesting other rooms or even role playing. For that kind of thing you have to go to a regular bookstore, but of course Christians can't be seen in that part of the bookstore. What if your small group leader were to walk by on his way to pick up the new Joel Olsteen book and happen to glance down the aisle and see you with that kind of book in your hand. Why he might actually think that you and your spouse, dare I say it, want to have great sex. We can't have that now can we?
Come on people, sex is ok and you do not have to have missionary position sex in your bedroom with the lights off with the intent of making a baby in order for it to be cool with God. I'm no sex expert so I don't feel qualified to write a book about it, but I really would like to find a Christian author who would write about sex and be real about it. I feel like it is almost impossible for Christians to admit they have and enjoy sex. I was once unfriended by a Christian friend on facebook because I dared to take one of those facebook quizzes that mentioned sex. She felt the need to email me and tell me why she was unfriending me and to tell me that sex is something that should not be talked about. Oh my goodness really?! Sorry but not talking about it causes more problems than talking about it ever will.
Tell each other what you like, tell each other what you don't like. Can you imagine doing something to your spouse for years only to find out years later that they didn't like it, but they never told you because they were scared to hurt your feelings? Talk about hurting someone's feelings, they would break my heart. If you don't know what you like then explore it together, maybe you will learn something new and like it even more. As a Christian I don't believe in watching porn so I am not suggesting getting ideas from there, but if you have to go to the sexuality section of a real bookstore and look for a book that will give you more ideas then do it. Don't be afraid to be "naked" about what you want or try something knew.
Also, it is ok to talk about sex with your friends of the same sex. I personally learned a few things by just talking with a friend of mine. Your spouse can't always tell you certain things about sex or your body simply because their parts are different so it can be good to have someone of the same sex that you can just hang with that feels free to talk about sex. I've actually talked with some friends about sex and we managed to help a friend who was having pain during sex. If she had not felt comfortable talking about it with us, then what? Sure you can ask your doctor, but again everything is so technical.
So all I'm saying is get real about sex. Its ok to have it, its ok to enjoy it and for goodness sake it is certainly ok to talk about it.
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