What you need to know

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I'm a mother of two beautiful girls. I think Sarcasm is a spiritual gift, even Jesus was sarcastic. I have no patience for people who are not real. I'm a Christian, but I hate how so many Christians have made that a bad word. My goal is to be a strong woman who loves God and encourages other women to do the same. I love upcycling and building things from repurposed items and reclaimed wood. We as women don't always see ourselves for the amazing women we are. It took me a lot of pain and hard work to find out who I am and what I am passionate about. I want other women to find their passions and not let others hold them back. Maybe some of my posts and projects that I will post will encourage other women to be who God wants them to be.


Monday, January 24, 2011

Runaway Bride

Have you ever seen the movie Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere? If you haven't here is a brief summary. Richard Gere is a reporter who goes to this small town to do a story on Julia Robert's character who has been deemed the Runaway Bride because she has run out on quite a few weddings to various guys. There is some more stuff that happens, but if you want to know more than I am telling you then go rent it.

Anyway, one of the parts of the movie that really stuck with me was him asking each of her former fiancées how she liked her eggs and each one of them telling him that she liked them the way they liked him. It was a small thing with great significance. The guys all thought she liked her eggs like they did because when she was with each one of them she changed to be what she thought they wanted her to be. She did not know what she wanted.

In many relationships women tend to become who they think the man wants them to be. They don't do it consciously usually, but over time they lose a piece of themselves. When I met my husband I did not like football at all. We met in February so football season had just ended. We had six months of the getting to know each other part of our relationship before NFL Preseason started. He began to get all excited and I kind of sunk at the thought of loosing him to football for the next six months. He was smart enough to ask me why I didn't like football and I told him because I didn't understand it. He then took it upon himself to teach me football so we could watch together. I became a Tennessee Volunteer fan because he was and that was the games he was teaching me through. I had grown up in the middle of Alabama/Auburn Football as an Alabama fan, but after meeting students from that school I could no longer make myself be an Alabama fan and really I only cared who won the Iron Bowl anyway so it wasn't like I was giving up a huge part of who I was to change teams.

Over time I have become a huge football fan. I still cheer for the Vols, even though they have not been great over the last ten years and after having lived in Nashville as the Titans were starting I became a Titans fan as well. I will admit that now living in Indiana I don't get the chance to watch the games like I would like so I sadly do not know the players like I used to, but I still watch when I can and hope for the best.

So what's the big deal about football? Well, me beginning to like football was just the start of me changing myself for him. I was never a big music fan other than the Beatles. I had honestly learned to tune most music out after having dated a guy that constantly listened to heavy metal. My husband, however, was a musician and music was his life. So I began to expand my horizons and learned all new genres of music and I found that I did in fact like most kids of music. Jazz being one of the few that I cannot tolerate at all for any length of time.

There were other things I was exposed to due to him and I will not say I am not thankful to have learned about them, but I do regret giving up the things I was into in order to have the time to do the things he was into. Shopping was a huge one, but I will get back to that. My point is I gave up my passions for his.

Now you may think that he learned some of my passions and I taught him things. If you think that you would be wrong and he would not be the only man that has not made that effort. It seems most men don't take the time to learn what the women in their life are passionate about. I don't know if it is because they think it is too girlie or what, but it is quite common for the woman to learn to like what the man likes and the man to not care about what she like. Then ten plus years down the road the women are not the woman they were when they first met and then comes the fight of "you have changed". First off, we all change so that is a stupid fighting point. Second, she changed so she could spend more time with the guy.

Before I met my husband I would save up my money and go shopping. I would usually drag my mom along, but sometimes I went with a friend or alone. I would spend hours looking at clothes and trying them on until I found the best outfits at the best prices. Then I met my husband and he hates to shop for anything but music or electronics. Where I could spend hours in a mall looking at clothes, he could spend hours in a record store going through vinyl. When he and I would go to the mall together he would drag me into a music store and I would be bored out of my mind so when I would go in a clothing store I didn't want him to feel the way I had felt in the record store so I learned to walk in take a quick walk through and if nothing jumped out at me right away I walked back out. My whole shopping pattern changed. His on the other hand did not and so eventually he got to the point where he would only go to music stores without me which I was fine with.

So what is the point in telling you this? Well, I am here to stand up and say I want me back! I want to go shopping and take my time. I want to sit down with a book even if there is football on and read. I want to go out with my female friends and laugh and make fun of things and I challenge every other woman out there to do the same thing. Don't wait until there is something wrong in your relationship or you have a fight about how you have changed. Do it now! Be that girl you were before you had a man in your life. You don't have to go off to some hippie commune to find yourself, just remember yourself.

Men are great to have in your life, but I can almost guarantee that they don't want to look into sad eyes that have no clue of who they are. It is a process. You won't wake up tomorrow and suddenly be who you want to be, but by taking that first step you are on the road to finding her again. After all isn't that who they fell in love with in the first place? Why does getting married and having kids have to mean that you have to lose who you are? Get out there and find out how you like your eggs.

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