Its frustrating really, when you put your heart into something and it is ignored. I am not looking to write a pity party. I am not looking for someone to make a big deal out of what I know I have done, but I just want us all to be aware of other people around us and what they do.
We all have a primary love language, but at the same time we should be speaking all the rest too. Overtime peoples love languages change anyway so if you are speaking them all you have a better chance of hitting which ever one is dominant at the time. We can know someones love language, but if they don't notice you speaking it you might as well be speaking one they care nothing about at all.
One of the most frustrating experiences in life is to try to do something to the best of your ability and to fail at it; not because you didn't try, but because you somehow did it wrong. Sometimes someone will come along and take the time to show you how to do it right after you screw it up. and when they do you learn and you get better. I have been working in theatre lately and I am not very skilled at a lot of things that need to be done, but I have had some great people who have been wonderful about teaching me how to do things right. Do I get it right every time? No I don't. As a matter of fact I tend to screw up the first time I do just about anything, but I love how these people have not just pushed me aside and decided I wasn't doing it or that I couldn't. After showing me again, most of the time I get it. Do I always do it perfectly after that? No, but I love that they are willing to correct me and tell me again how to do it. Sure there are times where they snap because I didn't do something right, but the beauty is we understand that in the end we all still care about each other and we can go hit Panera and laugh and be stupid together.
Isn't that really how we all should be with each other? I mean we can't expect someone to know what we want them to do if we don't tell them or show them and we can't assume they will get it right the first time. Everyday unnecessary fights are had, feelings are hurt, hearts are broken, relationships end, jobs are even lost all because we fail to take the time to explain what we want and expect.
So what can we do? Well going back to my first point, when they do something right acknowledge it and if you have an expectation of them, look to see if they really are doing it and don't just assume because it isn't done your way that they didn't do it. Next explain yourself and I'm not just talking about the person who wants something done. Sometimes the person who did it wrong deserves a chance to explain why they did it the way they did it. Maybe they thought they did it right. Maybe they didn't understand the directions. Maybe they had a perfectly good reason for doing it the way they did it or maybe you were not clear and they were scared to ask again. Whatever the reason it can't get better if the communication is not there or you are not acknowledging when they do it.
If you are the person with the expectations, let me recommend that you show some grace for the person trying to learn. You really have no idea what is going through their mind. There is a good chance they are so scared of letting you down that they are afraid to try. There is also the chance that they are thinking if they shoot blindly at the bullseye they will hit it since they don't know where it is. There can be dozens of things running through their mind, but you will never know until you give them another chance and open your eyes, ears, mind and heart.