Trust

Trust is a word that can get you into trouble. On the one hand we all want people to trust us. On the other hand, once we break that trust, it is a bear to earn back. I generally am a very trusting person. You have to do something pretty bad for me not to trust you and then I will usually forgive you if you ask me to, but if you continue to break that trust then it becomes harder and harder for me to trust you again.

I do my best to be sincere in what I say even if it does not show in my face. The fact that I tend to be an honest person almost to a fault sometimes I expect the same from others. I have found lying only hurts others and in the end the truth usually comes out anyway.

We have all known someone in our life that was not honest. They may have used dishonesty to make themselves look better. They may have used it because they were insecure in who they are. There are a lot of reasons why someone might think it is OK to be dishonest, but I have rarely found a good reason. Now you may say what about protecting someone’s feelings? Well to a point I understand that, but if the truth is most likely going to come out in the end anyway all you have accomplished is hurting them further.

I am not as trusting as I used to be I will admit that. I have been lied to more than I care to admit in my life. The hard part about that is I don’t want to be an untrusting person. I want to trust people. I don’t want to put up walls to protect myself from being hurt by lies. I want to see the good in people. I may deal with depression and I may have my moments where I get angry, but I do believe that there is good in all of us. It really does take a lot for me to walk away from someone even when they have hurt me pretty bad. I keep thinking about the good things they have said or done. Maybe that makes me a glutton for punishment, but I think that we are called to look for the good in people and not assume the worst.

I think some people assume the worst in me sometimes simply because my natural relaxed face looks sad. That is just the way God made me. My mouth turns down at corners and makes me look down even when I am happy. I have even heard some say that my face does not reflect my words, so I guess this is a soapbox of mine when I want people to look for and remember the good and not assume the worst.

All that being said, I challenge you to three things, first be honest. People really do expect you to be honest, why not give them what they want? Second, expect honesty from others. We live in a rather negative world, why not expect people to tell you the truth. Finally, look for the good in others and remember that. Don’t hold onto this hurt or that hurt. Remember the good that they have said and done and stop looking for the bad. We don’t have to be miserable in life. I have a card on my mirror that says “Pain is inevitable, misery is optional.” Some days it is harder to believe that than others, I will admit, but did you ever stop to think that maybe the pain you see in someone else was put there by you either not being honest, you not looking for honesty in them or you not looking for the good in them?

God gave us each other to love and most days we do a pretty good job of that, but I think the bigger challenge that I put out there for you is to love everyone even when they seem unlovable, untrustworthy or they have hurt you. I can’t promise that your love will be returned, but at least you will know you did what you are called to do and in the end God will bless that.

Don't be a runner

There are people who when things get hard or the are afraid will run from a situation. The figure it is easier to quit rather than try it and fail or end up hurt. The name for this kind of person is a runner. I know because I used to be one. Twice I had jobs that were difficult and caused me major stress so rather than stick it out I quit. I also quit piano lessons, violin lessons and I didn't try certain things I wanted to do because of fear of failure. When I was in 9th grade I actually missed three weeks of school strait because I had missed a week when I actually was sick and I knew it would be really hard to make up all of the work I missed, so I just faked being sick for a few more weeks until my mom forced me to go back to school and face what I didn't want to face. In the end, the make up for missing three weeks of school was so much worse than if I had just gone back after one. I might not have ended up in summer school that year.

You may know a runner or you may be a runner. They may be someone who goes from job to job and it is always with the excuse of the boss was a jerk or some other lame excuse. They may play the victim, or they may go from relationship to relationship looking for that new love feeling that is always at the beginning. There are a lot of different variations of runners, but they all think that it is easier to quit than to actually work at whatever they are doing.

As I said earlier, I was a runner. What changed that? I became a mom. Suddenly I couldn't run without hurting someone else. I had to actually stick it out or my children were going to be affected. I was no longer allowed to quit because I was afraid. Having children is hard, but I am not allowed to give up and walk away, not that I would want to, but knowing that is not even an option has made me not be a runner in other areas of my life as well. I have fought harder to keep things good for them. Have I failed at times? You bet I have, but running is still not an option.

In life we always have the choice of sticking it out when things are tough or running. What I learned from it is when I did run there was always regret years later when I looked back at what I had done. I regret not finishing both of the jobs I left early. In both cases I only had one month left until they were done, but it was easier at the time to quit than to suffer through the hard part.

I have seen women especially who have the runner mentality. Sometimes it is actually from their kids and or family. I have also seen women who run from their friends. They think they are a burden to them when they have drama in their life so they close themselves off from their friends and leave their friends wondering what they did. I'll admit I have been known to do that because I was embarrassed about a situation that I was in and didn't want to admit it to them.

The problem with being a runner is it doesn't solve your problem. It may remove you from a situation, but if you are trying to avoid failing, I have news for you, quitting is failing too and there is a pretty good chance you will end up in a worse situation later or right back where you were. So many of us have a fear of failure, but I have learned that we learn just as much from failing as we do from success and you learn even more from sticking it out and seeing it through to the end because you learn how to be a finisher.

If I could go back fifteen years and talk to my 22 year old self I would tell myself to stick it out, try harder and don't let fear of failure keep you from your dreams. I have learned that I am a stronger person than I ever thought possible by sticking to what I have committed to. Is it hard sometimes and does it really stink when I am going through a slump that doesn't seem to have any hope? Yeah it does! But I can tell you I regret running a whole lot more than I will ever regret sticking it out and dealing with the hard parts. Don't even let running be an option.

We all have critics in our lives we don't need to be our own. Don't let anyone take away your dreams most especially yourself.

You are strong

Over the last year I have seen lives crumble, marriages end and people break. 2010 has not been a good year for many people. I want to say this though to all of you, especially the women who I personally have seen hurting. YOU ARE STRONG!

I know that in a world of either big egos or big insecurities a lot of women have been made to feel like they are not valid for one reason or another. Stay Home moms are made to feel bad because they have chosen to stay home and take care of their family rather than go out and have a career of their own. Moms who work are made to feel bad because they can't be their for their kids when they need them. And whether they work or not women have been made to feel bad for loving their family so much that they give up their own dreams to be there for them.

I say it is all a load of garbage. Supporting your family does not make you weak. It does not mean you have no life of your own. It means that you love your family and you are doing what we are all called to do, which is serve one another.

I have chosen to stay home and do the Marriage Playbook with my husband from home. I have followed my husband from city to city as he changed careers. I have driven my children to swim lessons, choir practice, dance class, gotten them ready for school every morning, packed lunched, washed every ones clothes, bought groceries and been there to cheer all of them on as they have done what they have wanted to do. So do I do this because I have no life? No I do this because I love my family and I am serving them and that is OK.

I think women get a bad rap for giving things up to support their family whether they work and support them financially or they stay home and support them emotionally. I am not saying that we should not have something that is our own. I personally love to read and take pictures. I enjoy hanging out with my friends or going to the movies, so i won't let it be said I have no life and all you other women out there should not let it be said about you either.

We are strong women. As I said in an earlier blog, no more buts. My heart aches for the women I have seen crushed over the last year. Their mistake if you can call it that was loving and supporting their family.

We deserve respect for what we do. We deserve love for what we do and we are strong because of what we do. God did not give us a spirit of timidity 2 Timothy 1:7, yeah I know I said that in my last blog, but it bears repeating because we keep forgetting.

When did it become wrong to serve your family? I think in our world of selfishness and worldly me-ism those of us who want to serve and help are looked down on. So I say to you, be strong in what you do, don't let someone else make choices for you and don't apologize for who you were called to be. God has a plan for you, just like he does for me :)

No more buts

How often have you been known to have someone tell you what you should do or their opinion of what you should do and then you come up with some reason why you can't do it. I know I have said, "Yeah, but..." more times than I care to admit. As someone who has counseled people I have heard it many times. "Yeah, but if I do that..." or "I would but..." It is so easy to "but" our way through life.

What if you stopped giving reasons for why you can't do something and started giving reasons for why you can. 2 Timothy 1:7 says "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline" So if God didn't make us timid, why are we acting like he did? Why do we keep coming up with excuses for why we can't? We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for and we can do more than we think we can. 2 Timothy 2:1 "You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus"

I wish I could say that I have always believed in myself and have never made excuses for why I couldn't or shouldn't do something. I have made excuses for why I couldn't do certain jobs, why I didn't try out for a play and why I didn't speak up when someone had hurt me. It took some hard realities hitting me and a realization that I have kept God from showing up and showing off, with my "buts" and "nos" to stop and ask myself "why not".

I hear it on a regular basis, especially from women. "I want to talk to my husband about "insert issue here", but I am afraid of what he will say or do." or "I want to do that, but I don't think I would do a good job." or "I would try that, but I'm scared." There are thousands more reasons and excuses why we don't do or say what we should do, but there are very few that are actually legitimate.

So I challenge you and I challenge myself to say yes more and take that risk that scares us to death. If we fail or it doesn't go well, so what. We learn something and grow whether it happens or not. One of the things I respect about my husband is his "no fear" attitude. He is never afraid to call someone and ask for something he wants. There have been times that he has told me something he was going to do and that little voice in my head has kind of made me nervous, but I have learned that it has gotten us far with things I never thought possible. Even when we have been told no or ignored, it was always a chance worth taking. Someone told me once, "the only way to fail every time is to never try."

I am currently looking for a new job. I could easily say that I can only get a job in child care because that is where most of my experience is, but it is not what I want to do. I have made the decision this time to go after the jobs I never thought possible. Will I be told no sometimes? Yes, I will, but I will never hear yes if I don't at least try. What are you going to say yes to today?