What you need to know

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I am a mother of two beautiful, grown women. I believe sarcasm is the sixth love language and I read like it is my job. I read close to 200 books a year and I love talking about what I read and great authors I find. I usually don't go for the books everyone else is reading. I love authors that are funny, but can be serious when they need to be. Romance is my favorite genre, but fantasy romance is not for me. I love building things and repurposing old furniture and building materials. Sometimes I just need to be creative. I'm also extremely ADHD and neurodivergent, but that just makes me more fun and interesting. As long as you can keep up. I am extremely honest and am not afraid to share my opinion. I try to do it in a nice way though. Constructive criticism is good, being flat out mean when you share your opinion is unnecessary.

Followers

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Why settle for less?

I talk all the time about how women need to be strong and that they should not let people treat them bad. I really hope that my message is getting out there especially to those women who think they don't deserve better due to low self esteem. But I also want my message to get to me. Due to some crazy things that have happened in my life, I will admit my self esteem has never been very great, but the thing is I know that I am an amazing woman so why do I let stupid people make me feel like I am not just because they are too selfish to see it?

I know another girl who has low self esteem and I see her making the same mistakes I made and it kills me. I would love the chance to talk to her and let her know she deserves better, but I think some women just need to learn things on their own. All I can do is sit back and wait for it to happen and then hope that she finally sees that we as women are amazing, but only if we make ourselves amazing. Settling for less just because we think that is all we are worth is sad.
I have had people in my life since I was a child making me feel less than I am. Some did it to make themselves feel better. Some did it out of pure selfishness and some did it just because they are sick.

No matter why people hurt us we can't keep giving them the power to hurt us more. I have seen women return to abusive husbands because they think they can't do better or because their husbands swore they would change. The thing about abusers though, they don't change. I'm not just talking about physical abuse either. I have a few friends who have or had emotionally abusive husbands. Their husbands controlled them with fear and mind games. Every time the woman would start to feel strong in who they were the husbands were there to knock them back down or lie to them so that the women would give them another chance.

It is men like that that have me worried for the future of my daughters. I don't want them ending up with some jerk who treats them bad or makes them feel less than amazing, but how do I train them up to know they deserve better? I have seen parents who never really lifted up their kids or told them they loved them and just basically let the children raise themselves and learn from life. I have also seen the flip side of the coin though. I have seen parents go over board and tell their child how wonderful and great they are non-stop to the point where the child had an over inflated sense of self and those children grew up to be selfish people.

So where is that happy medium? How do we raise strong women who have a good sense of self, but are not selfish? I don't want my girls growing up thinking that it is ok to be with someone who is a jerk. I can't always be with them to protect them from outside influences so I have to trust that God will protect them. I know they are going to see and experience things in life that could have a profound impact on what they think is ok. I just have to do my best to counteract that influence so that they know they are beautiful, strong girls.

God will be there for my girls as they grow up, but it is up to us as parents to be the godly role models they need to see so that they can be godly women. God doesn't want them settling for the not even next best thing. God wants to give them His best. I will teach my girls what to expect out of their future husbands and how to be good wives, but ultimately they are going to take from everything they see and hear and make their own choices. I can only hope that what they see and hear is what is best for them in God's eyes and not our own.
So my take away challenge this time? Don't settle for less than God's best for your life. Be the strong, beautiful women God created you to be and get away from the people in your life that are not God's best for you.

Monday, February 21, 2011

You're Beautiful, its true

I'm going to start this blog by saying something directly to women. Women YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! You are amazing, you are strong and you are worth a good man. I say that because I see so many women out there who for some reason or another just don't seem to think that they are worth a quality relationship. They stay with a guy that treats them like garbage for years out or fear of not having someone or simply because they don't think the can do or deserve better. They date a married man because..., ok I don't know why they do that, but they do. These women all seem to be under the impression that they don't deserve better.

I'm here to say to all of those women, you deserve better. I have seen a quote on facebook many times, not sure who it is by, but it rings true not matter what, "Don't make someone a priority in your life, when you are only an option in theirs." If a guy treats you like garbage or is seeing you while he is married, you are not his priority. He is his priority. He is looking to feel better about himself. If he is treating you badly then by you feeling bad it allows you to feel better about yourself. If he is married to someone else then he is trying to feel like he is desired again. I know that in the married situation sometimes the wife has not shown him the attention he thinks he deserves, but it is not your place to give it to him. That is between him and his wife and God.

We live in a time where we are constantly being bombarded with images of the "perfect woman" She has to be thin, have large breasts, straight teeth, perfect eyes, nose and mouth, but if you look around at the real world you will see that women just don't look like that. The women in Hollywood don't even look like that. The pictures are airbrushed or they had surgery or liposuction. A good man isn't looking for perfection from his woman. A good man is looking for a woman who gets him, loves him, respects him and completes him. If he is looking for something superficial like how you look or the type of attention you give him, well then he is not a good man. Sorry to have to say it ladies, but there are a lot of jerks out there.

Now I know that the jerk to good guy ratio is making it harder for women to find good men, but that doesn't mean you have to settle for the first guy to show you some attention or even the second or third guy. Set your standards high. Look for that guy that will treat you well. Look for the guy who will protect you and that wants you and only you. Ask questions about his past relationships. You don't ask because you want to be hurt by his past, but you ask so you know how he treated the women in his past. Chances are if he treated them badly or didn't respect them, then he isn't going to treat you right either. Sure you may get a few years of him treating you right, but then life will happen and he will see you with the flu or hear you throwing up and if he is the kind of guy who gets bored easily then he is going to go find a new girl that hasn't thrown up around him.

I really want women to realize that they can do better if they just stop settling. I am not saying to any woman than you should leave your husband if he is not great. I am saying to all those women out there who are dating jerks to let them go. So what if you have a big nose, swinty eyes and a big butt, you can do better if you will just realize that you are worth more than what he is giving you. Stop settling! Look for the good guys. If you are in a bad relationship then get out. If you are seeing a married man, even if he is leaving his wife, get out. That is no way to start a relationship and you will always be wondering if he gets bored with you if he will look for someone else.

Realize that you are worth more than the sloppy seconds or harsh treatment these guys are giving you. I don't know what your childhood was like so I don't know what made your self esteem what it is. If you have good self esteem then great. Take that and find a man worthy of you. If you have low self esteem then first off stop that, second off look at yourself through God's eyes and see that you were beautifully and wonderfully made. Just because some jerk in your past made you feel unworthy of love doesn't mean you are. Just because your mother had low self esteem doesn't mean you should. Take pride in who God made you and see the beautiful woman you are. Sure it may take longer to find the guy that will treat you right, but in the long run you will be happier and you will save yourself a lot of heartache. I really wish more women would have this philosophy when it comes to finding a man. Maybe if women will only start dating the good guys then the jerks will see that they have to be good in order to have a good woman and in the process of natural selection all the jerks will die out. After all, if there are no jerks to raise jerk sons or daughters with no self esteem then only the good guys will be raising kids and the over population of jerks can go the way of the saber tooth tiger.... Hey a girl can dream can't she.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Say Anything

Do you have that friend that just gets you? You know the one you can say anything to and they get it. Do you have that friend that you have inside jokes with? Do you quote movies and TV shows or repeat something one of you said a long time ago just so you can remember the fun of that day and laugh?
I have almost that friend. I have the friend that gets me and that I can quote things to, but I have different friends that I can say anything to and they get it. They used to be one in the same, but somewhere along the way the friend that I quote with became the person I couldn't say anything to.
I love having friends that I can be real with. The ones I can show my warped side to or my gross side. I think we all need that. I also love having the friend that I can quote things to. That friend has been there through a lot of stuff in my life and understands when I talk about college night because they were a part of it with me. This friend was there with me through some amazing times in my life and I enjoy remembering those moments with them. I wonder though why did we stop being able to say anything to each other. That friend was my best friend for a lot of years. That friend was the person I called when something great happened and that friend was the shoulder I cried on when something bad happened. I still find myself when something great or funny happens wanting to call them and tell them, but rarely are they the person I call when something bad happens. I rarely call them if I am hurting or sad, that's what the other friends have become for me.
Why do we let our friendships fall away like that? Why do we stop saying what we are thinking? Chances are those friends would not have judged us had we just been real with them. Chances are those friends are thinking the same thing sometimes. They were that friend for a reason you know?
We live in such a transient society these days. By the time my youngest daughter was 4 1/2 she had lived in 4 states. Where we are now is the longest she has ever lived somewhere and in two months it will be the longest my oldest has ever lived somewhere. How do we keep up with our friends when we don't even live near them anymore? How do we keep that bond strong? Facebook helps to a point, but sometimes it is just a distraction from living our real life. I know I have been guilty of sitting home all day long on the computer with no real contact with anyone. Even when other people were in my house I was sitting at the computer. Have we become such a tech mesmerized society that we no longer have the ability to have real interactions with each other?
I don't want my world to be wrapped up in my next status update or reading everyone else's status update. We rationalize that we keep up and talk to more friends because we have facebook. Yeah, I have talked with people I went to college with, high school with and even people I lived across the street from until I was 7. It is great catching up when we first find them, but then really do you talk to them anymore or do you just read and comment on each other's statuses? Do you basically facebook stalk and never really keep up with their real life? I KNOW I am guilty of that. If you think about it though we only put snippets of our lives on facebook, well unless you are an over sharer, and well that is for another blog. So if we only put snippets out there then we really are not doing life with each other, we are just being nosy.
I have had a few friends message me occasionally if my posts seem sad or dark, but overall we are not interacting. Social networking seems to be a must these days. You have to twitter, or facebook or blog to keep in touch with the world and as great as it can seem at times I really think it is making us more and more anti-social. We don't get together for coffee to hang out anymore. No, we chat on facebook or we text. We don't laugh out loud with our friends anymore. No, we LOL or LMBO. No wonder there are marriages breaking up because of social networking. We are so used to speaking in status updates and chats and texts that we don't know how to have face time anymore.
The reason I can no longer say anything to my friend is because we quit saying anything out loud. Our conversations started consisting of texts and emails. Heck we couldn't even pick up the phone to talk. Sure I can send a funny quote through a text, but where is the satisfaction of seeing them literally laugh out loud? I want to say "PIVOT!" and actually see a smile and well "Narkey" just doesn't come across in written word. Chances are anyone reading this has no idea what either of those quotes mean, but my friend does and that is one of the reasons we are friends. Will we ever be able to say anything to each other again? Well I hope so. No matter what this person is my friend, but I also need to take the time to actually use my voice not just for this one friend, but for all of those that I know I can say anything to.
So my challenge this time is to stop living in a cyber world so much and take the time to use your voice. We really do have something to say and no I am not missing the irony that I am saying this all online, but hey baby steps right?