Be Bold!

What does the word bold mean to you? There are at least five different definitions for it in the dictionary. The one I like best is: not hesitating or fearful in the face of actual or possible danger or rebuff; courageous and daring:

Not that we have a lot of chances in our everyday lives to be bold in the face of danger, but the not hesitating or fearful, that is something we should all be willing to do more of. In the book of Joshua, in the Bible, Joshua prayed boldly. He was in the middle of a battle with the Amorites and he prayed that the sun would stand still. I don't know about you, but I don't think I would have even thought to ask God to stop the sun, let alone expect it to actually happen and yet it did happen. The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and didn't go down for a full day (Joshua 10:12-13) I would definitely say that Joshua prayed boldly.

What about you? Do you pray boldly? I know I rarely do and even when I do I can without a doubt say it is nothing as bold as asking the sun to stop in the sky. Why don't we pray big? Why don't we ask for things we are hoping for?

I was talking to a friend today about relationships and he told me what he is looking for in a wife the next time he gets married. The things he wanted were not outlandish. They were simple things like her being a godly woman. He said to me, "I've never really prayed for that. I think I may just do that." As he said that I was reminded of a devotion I had read in my Power of the Praying Wife Bible (it is a great Bible I highly recommend it) about praying big and the word I remembered the most was bold. Be bold! So I told him to be bold in his prayers. Then it hit me, Have I been praying boldly? The answer to that is a big fat NO!

We pray for all kinds of things in our daily lives, if we are believers. We pray for a sick friend or for someone to get a job. We pray that we get to work on time when the traffic is bad. So what do you think would happen if we all just started praying big and bold? I know you may even be like me in thinking that you don't deserve to ask for something big. None of us deserve any of God's blessings, but He still gives them to us. There are countless stories in the Bible where ordinary people dared to pray boldly. Moses, Elijah, Jabez, Joshua and countless others all prayed for things that seemed impossible and yet their prayers were answered. They were answered not because these people were anyone special, but because they dared to ask.

If we pray and ask God for something big does that mean he will give it to us just because we asked? No, just ask all the people who play the lottery on a daily basis and you will see that is not true, but at the same time we don't have to be afraid to ask God for a godly spouse or a great job we can love. There are plenty of other even bigger prayers out there that we can pray so let's all be bold. I don't want to miss out on God's blessings simply because I didn't ask. Do we deserve what we ask for? Heck no! But, God says to ask, so ask. The worst He can do is say no and you are no worse off than you were before you asked, but what if He says yes? I know I want to see God show up and show off. So pray boldly then sit back and watch God work. He might just do a mighty work in you or He may even give you something better than what you asked for.

PS: I don't know what is up with the second paragraph, it got all wonky on me for some reason hope you can read it :)

I'm a mother first

When I was married I believed that my husband always came before my kids, but now that I am not I know that my kids always come first. If I ever remarry my husband will come first again so long as it is not to the detriment of my kids. I have seen people who remarry and they put their kids before their new spouse and the new spouse ends up leaving or doing something stupid because they kids always get their way. I don't want to be that parent.

As I go back into the world and consider the possibility of dating again in the future I have a different perspective on it than I did 17 years ago. I was young and stupid then and only looking at my wants. Now as a mother I can't live like that anymore. I'm a mother and every choice I make now will affect them. When you become a parent it changes everything. I'm not saying give up your life for your kids. I did that and it nearly destroyed my life, but at the same time I have to think about them when I make choices now. I can't be selfish anymore. Sure I am doing things for me now, like doing theatre and on my nights that I don't have the girls I do things I want to do so long as it in no way affects my girls in a negative way, but at the same time I do have to stop and think if something will affect them before I do it.

I've watched other moms go nuts when they divorce. They start partying and sleeping around and try to recapture their youth. I will say that when I first separated I did go to a few bars and do things I didn't do while I was married, but that was not a lifestyle I wanted and it took me quite a few nights to find a place to go out that was not a bunch of 20 somethings looking to hook up. I finally found a place this summer that I can go to and just hang out with my friends and not feel dirty or see girls with no self respect getting drunk and being hit on by guys. There are also plenty of nights I just stay home and go no where because I don't HAVE to leave the house every time I am child free.

I hope that what my girls see me doing as I am entering this new phase of my life will be a positive influence on them. I want them to see that you can have fun, but still make good choices and that just because I am single now does not mean my goal in life now has to be to find my next guy or husband. I want what they see now to show them how to make good choices so that when they grow up and start dating they will find the right guy who will respect them and treat them right and I want them to respect themselves and know that guys are not worth loosing themselves over or making bad choices for. I want them to know that if a guy wants them to make a choice that is not morally right then he is not the right guy for them. I want them to know they deserve to be treated right by a man and that they are worth being treated right.

I have to think about all of that now because I am a mother. I have to think about how I would feel if my daughters made the choices I make now. Maybe if I had seen good choices when I was young then maybe I would not have some of the bad choices I made. I can't really say because one I didn't really see bad choices being made when I was a kid and two there were some things that happened as I was growing up that did affect some of the choices I made when I got older. I do hope though that the girls will also learn from the pain they have seen me go through this last year and take steps to keep that from happening to them. There are a lot of lessons to be learned from this last year, some good and some bad. I just hope they will learn from it all.

Eleven years ago my life was changed forever in a positive way when I got pregnant with my first daughter. I became a mother that day when I saw that line on the test and since then I have made different choices than I would have had that line never been there. I will be a mother until the day I die and that will never change, At some point the choices I make will have less effect on them, but the next ten years for sure I will have to think and do whats best for my girls. If I remarry I will make sure it is someone that will be good to them and will show them how a man should treat a woman. I will also model for them how to do a relationship right. We messed that up before and I WON'T do that again. Why? Because I am a parent and that is my responsibility so that they can learn from my mistakes and my good choices.

what's your dream?

As I watch TV or the people around me I find myself a little jealous at times. It is not something I am proud of, as a matter of fact I am rather ashamed to admit it, but it is true. What am I jealous of? I am jealous when I see people who love what they do. I was watching LA Ink. I love all the tattoo shows. I see these people who get to be themselves and love what they do. Sure there is drama, but they are getting to create art and they get to let their freak flag fly and no one is going to tell them they can't let their tats show. I realize that not every job is the kind that allows you to look however you want, but at the same time it is more about being happy with what you are doing and feeling comfortable in your own skin.

Right now, I don't like my job. It is not my dream and I feel like I have to be someone else while I am there. This is not the kind of place I see myself working for the rest of my life. I want that kind of job though. I want the kind of job where I am happy to get up every day and go to work. I want the kind of job where I can be myself. I am not afraid of hard work. I am not afraid to get dirty or even to do things sometimes that I don't like, but I want to like going into work. I don't want to watch the clock and be jealous of all the other people in the world who love their job.

Now you may be asking so what do I want to do. Funny thing is, I only have a slight idea of what I want to do. I know I love to be creative. I know I love to build things and paint things. I know I like to write and speak. I know I like to be around people like me, but do I know what I want to be when I grow up? No I really don't, but I'm not going to settle and I am not going to give up until I get there. I will do what I have to do right now at a job I hate in order to make a paycheck, but in the mean time I am working on my master plan. I am writing and I am looking for things to speak at. In my free time I do help build and paint sets for theatre productions. Every time I do something that I do love doing I learn a little something more and one day I will have that job that I am happy to get up and go to everyday. I have a few ideas floating around in my head and hopefully they will lead to something in the future. Fear used to hold me back from following my dreams, but this last year has shown me that I do have talent and I do have something to say. I just have to do it.

The take away challenge this time? Do you love what you do? If you don't what are you doing to make that happen? Make a plan and stick to it. You may have to do something you hate right now, but everyday take steps to make it happen even if it is a small step. There may not be more than five people who read what I have to say in this blog, but every time I write I am taking a step closer to my dream of writing for women. Every time I talk to a friend going through some kind of junk and I encourage her I am taking a step closer to speaking to women's groups and every time I volunteer and help build sets I am taking a step closer to learning to build and paint. I think I see how this will all come together in the future, but it is not my timing it is God's. He will open the door when it is time and not a minute sooner and when He does I will smile every morning when I get out of bed just like I dream of. Until then I will do my best to smile and work hard at the job I don't like because sometimes we have to do things we hate in order to do things we love.

Make it happen!

Voices Carry

Do you ever stop and think before you say something to someone about how it will affect them? Some things we say are no big deal. "Hey, I like that shirt." may only make someone more likely to wear a shirt or have no effect at all. But something like, "You are lazy!" or "No one will ever want you!" Well, that is a different story.

Everyday people say and do things that have some kind of effect on the people they interact with. As a teacher I was trained to use encouraging words when I see good behavior rather than negative words when I see bad behavior. Even though I have been taught that I still have been known to say somethings that hurt someone deeply. I will admit there have been times where I wanted to hurt someone because they hurt me. Was that right? No it wasn't, but it was the bad choice I made in that moment of hurt.

At the same time I have had some horrible things said to me that have had a tremendous impact on my life. Some of them held me back because they created a fear in me that I would never succeed at what I tried. I've been told I had no talent, that no man would ever love me, that I was fat, that I was lazy, worthless and tons more terrible things. I don't say that for a pity party. If this year has taught me nothing else it is that all of that was just terrible lies, but at the same time when I heard those things they crushed my spirit for a time.

I kind of consider myself damaged goods to a point. From an early age I was told things that shaped how I felt about myself. I am learning to overcome a lot of that, but I still struggle with some of it on a daily basis. There are things I have not tried because I feared failing. I held myself back rather than diving head first into something new and challenging. I took the easy way out more times than I care to admit all because I believed the things I had heard. I bet the people that said those things to me never thought about the profound affect they would have on me.

So what have you said to someone that has impacted them in a negative way? I have learned from my own words that a thousand apologies can't take back a comment that hurts. You can say you are sorry or that you don't mean it, but it can never be unsaid. The same goes for lies. This week I watched someone I care about deeply get hurt by a horrible lie. This is the kind of thing that will affect this person for the rest of their life. Did the person that lied have any idea what they were doing with their lies? In this case I think they did, but in many cases the people who lie are so busy trying to protect themselves that they never give it a thought about what they are saying. Sometimes they may see the results of the lies and sometimes they may not or they may not care, but the pain is still there.

People say we live in a country of cry babies. People sue over the smallest thing or cut people out of their lives over something ridiculous, but there are somethings that people say that are so horrible they have a lasting effect that can never be undone. Why do we do it? Do we live in such a self centered society that we don't think about anyone else's feelings? Do we not learn from our mistakes and not repeat them? The answer more times than not is no. This is the me generation. People think about themselves first and no one else. They think about how they feel and what they want and never take into account how their words or choices will impact anyone else. I've heard excuse after excuse. "Things just happen." "You hurt me so I hurt you." "I didn't get what I wanted." "It won't happen again." It is all a bunch of crap and yes I include myself in one of those excuses.

What do you think would happen if we all started putting others feeling before our own? What do you think would happen if we stopped being a me society? What do you think would happen if we stopped to think before we spoke? I think it could change the world. We live in a "If it feels good do it" kinda world, but that isn't what God wants for us. He has something so much better than what we want for ourselves, but we have got to stop trying to put ourselves first and stop tearing each other down and lying.

I pretty much suck at lying. Sure I have done it, but in the end I either feel guilty and end up telling the truth or it comes out anyway because I am so bad at it. When I was in high school and college people would say don't ask Bethany what she thought because she would tell you. I will admit I gave my opinion with little regard to how it was received. I was young and stupid and did not think about the consequences of my words. Did I crush someone's spirit? No, but if you had on an ugly dress I was sure going to let you know. The thing is though I didn't lie, not even when it would save someone's feelings. I guess that is why it is so hard for me to deal with lying. I can't do it. I have seen the damage it does and I don't want to do that to someone else.

I have seen what lies and hurtful words can do, but I have also seen what positive words can do. They may not be able to undo all the damage of lies and hurtful words, but from the right person they can bring a smile and they can be encouraging.

My challenge to everyone is to say more positive things and to be more positive. You never know what someone may be dealing with. They could be living with a life time of hurt and your positive comment could be a bright spot in their day and if you put enough of those bright spots together maybe they can overcome the hurtful words and lies they have heard and be something they never dreamed possible. I know I still struggle every day with the things I have heard and the lies I have been told, but with God's help and some great friends I am learning to overcome them. I know I am more then what those people would have me believe and I know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I hope that you see the same for yourself as well.