Why we should not make life choices at 20

When I was 20, I thought I knew everything. I was living on my own. I was in college and I had my whole career and life before me. I knew what I was going to be and do. Can I go back and slap that girl now?

Seventeen years later I have to say 20 year olds should not make life choices. They think that every promise they hear will be kept and they romanticize life as a grown up. At the age of 20, while there are some responsibilities that are had, they are nothing compared to what they will be responsible for in 15 years. Most 20 year olds don't have kids. Most 20 year olds are not supporting themselves 100%. Most 20 year olds are not married and most 20 year olds can not even fathom what life is going to throw at them.

I can look back at myself at 20 and laugh now as I think about how I thought I knew everything. I was sure of my future and I really did believe in the fantasy of growing up and living happily ever after. I believed the lie of all those movies there everyone road off into the sunset with all of their dreams come true.

I see 20 year olds today and I see them making the same exact mistakes that I made. They believe the fantasy. I know they probably won't listen to me, but maybe those of us who have been there done that got the t-shirt should ban together and really help these poor kids. Maybe we can have an intervention for all of them. Sit them down and tell them all the things we have learned since the age of 20. However, I also know my wisdom comes from having lived through it myself. I have to admit a little part of me gets a small amount of joy from the thought of those immature little 20 year olds experiencing life and realizing that life is not all candy canes and lollipops.

But just the same I still have a list of things I have learned that I would like to pass on to those unsuspecting 20 year olds out there.

1. Someone is going to break your heart.

2. That dream job will not pay you what you think you are worth.

3.The career path you thought you were going to take will not happen like you thought it would. 4. Kids will change your life in huge, good and bad ways.

5. You will get wrinkles.

6.You will gain weight.

7.You will get grey hair.

8. At some point in the future you will have regrets about choices you made.

9. Someone will lie to you and you will believe them.

10. Someone won't appreciate you.

11. The happily ever after you dreamed up will have its ups and downs and it is how you deal with those that will decide whether or not your happily ever after will actually happen.

12. Promises will be broken.

13. Someone is going to fail you.

14. If you are not flexible in what you want or expect out of life nothing or no one will live up to your standards.

15. Life is not about YOUR happiness.

16. Selfish people exist and you will have to deal with them.

17. It is easy to see other people's flaws, so just remember they are seeing yours too.

18. If you have unrealistic expectations you are setting yourself up to fail.

19. No one respects that old person that never grew up.

20. The world is not here to meet YOUR needs and wants.

There are plenty more, but I think we all need to learn some things on our own. I mean after all, even though many of today's 20 year olds have been given every thing they ever wanted, they will have to learn the hard way that life does not owe them anything.

So I say to all the 20 year olds out there, don't believe the lies, grow up and please listen to those of us who know what we are talking about. Trust me, some day you will admit we are right.

Daddy issues

So you went through something bad as a kid or teen; maybe it was from a parent, maybe it was another family member or some random person. What are you doing about that?

I say this to myself for a few things that I have been working on over the years, but I also say this to other people that I talk to on a regular basis. I see people who use their past as an excuse for their current behaviors. "Oh, I did this because..." I'm calling it as I see it people, that's a cop out.

Yes or past shapes us, but are you going to let someone else make you do something you hate, or make you do something you shouldn't? Well, we shouldn't and yet, we do.

It really kind of ticks me off. It is giving power to someone else if we let what they did to us make us be less than our best. Why should they get that kind of power? People in our past made bad choices that affected us, but if we in turn make bad choices because of that then we are affecting someone else and it becomes a vicious cycle of hurt.

I know that for my own girls I don't want my mistakes to make them one day make their own bad choices. Everything we do affects someone, but we have to choose to affect them positively rather than negatively and end the cycle.

It has taken me many years to figure this out so I am hoping by putting this out there I can help someone else avoid the long journey it has taken me. We really all should be learning from other people's mistakes and making better choices. We also should learn from our own mistakes so we don't repeat them. It hurts me to see people hurting due to their own bad choices in life. I want to do what I can to help them avoid them or at least go through the repercussions of their choice and come out on the other side hopefully without having to loose something in the process.

I've taken the spiritual gifts test multiple times and empathy always ranks high on my list. I didn't understand that at first because when I first took it I was young and selfish, but someone explained it to me. He had noticed that even in my young selfishness I still was able to see things from others perspective. That ability to see things from others perspective and in effect care about how they felt has shaped my choices in life.

When I see someone making bad choices or making mistakes I try to see things from their perspective and figure out why they would make that choice. Time and again it comes back to their own personal hurt from the past. Maybe we all need counselling to get through the junk we have been carrying around with us. Imagine how much lighter you would feel if you truly let your junk go. The coolest part of this is we don't have to go through it alone. God is there for us and he also put other people in our lives to help us, but we have to accept that help. Shutting people out and turning our back on people who just want to help us is not the answer. God wants us to ask for help. He is waiting for it, but we have to let go of our own pride and ego and admit that we can't do it alone. We also can't go looking for someone who will back us up in our bad choices. Anyone who supports your bad choice is not looking out for you or your best interest. God did not put them there.

God wants the best for you. Does it stink that we were hurt in the past? You bet it does. Does God want you to wallow in that and hurt others in the process? Uh, NO! And yet everyday, that is exactly what we do. So I say to you now, stop letting your past define you!!! Do the right thing and be the person God wants you to be. You will be better for it and in turn others will be better for it as well.

I'm sorry if Daddy didn't hug you or tell you her loved you or some kid on the playground told you that you were ugly, but that is their issue not yours. "You are beautiful, you are treasured, you are sacred you are His. You were meant for so much more than all of this." (Mercy Me)