The Girl With The Light In Her Eyes

While cleaning out my closet the other day I came across a box of pictures that I had just never gotten around to putting in an album or scrap book. I came across a few pictures of myself from Christmas 1994. Now it is important to know that 1994 was one of the best years of my life. I was 21 years old and I was in love and things were just going well for me. Throw in the fact that it was Christmas, my favorite holiday at the time, and I was one happy girl.

The look on my face in these pictures show how high on life I was. It shows the love, peace, joy and happiness that I was feeling at the time. The thought that struck me as I looked at the pictures was that there was a light in my eyes. There was so much life and innocence there. I had no idea what lay ahead of me, where life would take me or the joy and pain that I would go through over the next 16 years.

A part of me looks at that girl and wants to go back and have a do over, but then I think about the unavoidable painful events that I went through and I don't want to relive those. Then I think about going back and just talking to my 21 year old self and telling her what not to do, but then I think about how I probably would not listen to myself and there is also the whole space time continuum things so if I didn't go through what I have been through I would not learn enough to tell myself not to do what I did. Yeah it is very Back to the Future kinda thing.

The problem with both of those scenarios though is that I can't do either and I am there person I am today because of all of the things that have happened to me in my WHOLE life. I do wonder though, is there something that girl with the light in her eyes could teach me now? I think just by being in those pictures she already did. She reminded me that the girl with the light in her eyes is still in me and I am still that girl just with a lot more wisdom.

I have made it a point over the last few days to let that girl out again and I have to say I have missed her. I don't know why I let her hide for awhile, but it feels really good to have that light in me again. Interestingly enough just in the few days that I have been letting her shine I have gotten some pretty cool compliments which of course makes me feel even better and in turn makes my light shine brighter. If I could go back and talk to that 21 year old girl right now I would say thank you. Thank you for those pictures that reminded me who I was and who I still am.

So what's the challenge from this blog? Find that light in yourself again and don't let it go. If you have lost it think back to a time when you had the light in your eyes and learn from that person. If you still have that light in your eyes, don't let it go, matter of fact let it shine brighter than ever before. I am and I will.

Expectations

Do we really see what other people do for us or are we so self absorbed that most of it just goes by without notice? I don't do things for other people for the thanks or recognition, but at the same time I don't like it when I know I did something and it was seen as not having been done. Maybe I didn't do it the way you wanted me to or maybe I didn't do it the way you would have, but I did it just the same. I guess it comes down to those people not getting me and how I do things. Maybe they don't see what I gave up to do something for them. I don't know, but I will always wish I had been recognized for what I did do.

Its frustrating really, when you put your heart into something and it is ignored. I am not looking to write a pity party. I am not looking for someone to make a big deal out of what I know I have done, but I just want us all to be aware of other people around us and what they do.

We all have a primary love language, but at the same time we should be speaking all the rest too. Overtime peoples love languages change anyway so if you are speaking them all you have a better chance of hitting which ever one is dominant at the time. We can know someones love language, but if they don't notice you speaking it you might as well be speaking one they care nothing about at all.

One of the most frustrating experiences in life is to try to do something to the best of your ability and to fail at it; not because you didn't try, but because you somehow did it wrong. Sometimes someone will come along and take the time to show you how to do it right after you screw it up. and when they do you learn and you get better. I have been working in theatre lately and I am not very skilled at a lot of things that need to be done, but I have had some great people who have been wonderful about teaching me how to do things right. Do I get it right every time? No I don't. As a matter of fact I tend to screw up the first time I do just about anything, but I love how these people have not just pushed me aside and decided I wasn't doing it or that I couldn't. After showing me again, most of the time I get it. Do I always do it perfectly after that? No, but I love that they are willing to correct me and tell me again how to do it. Sure there are times where they snap because I didn't do something right, but the beauty is we understand that in the end we all still care about each other and we can go hit Panera and laugh and be stupid together.

Isn't that really how we all should be with each other? I mean we can't expect someone to know what we want them to do if we don't tell them or show them and we can't assume they will get it right the first time. Everyday unnecessary fights are had, feelings are hurt, hearts are broken, relationships end, jobs are even lost all because we fail to take the time to explain what we want and expect.

So what can we do? Well going back to my first point, when they do something right acknowledge it and if you have an expectation of them, look to see if they really are doing it and don't just assume because it isn't done your way that they didn't do it. Next explain yourself and I'm not just talking about the person who wants something done. Sometimes the person who did it wrong deserves a chance to explain why they did it the way they did it. Maybe they thought they did it right. Maybe they didn't understand the directions. Maybe they had a perfectly good reason for doing it the way they did it or maybe you were not clear and they were scared to ask again. Whatever the reason it can't get better if the communication is not there or you are not acknowledging when they do it.

If you are the person with the expectations, let me recommend that you show some grace for the person trying to learn. You really have no idea what is going through their mind. There is a good chance they are so scared of letting you down that they are afraid to try. There is also the chance that they are thinking if they shoot blindly at the bullseye they will hit it since they don't know where it is. There can be dozens of things running through their mind, but you will never know until you give them another chance and open your eyes, ears, mind and heart.